Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
