I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
