every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
