he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
