dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
