Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
