I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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