no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
