That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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