So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
