dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
