i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
