GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
