just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
