my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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