My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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