What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
