sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
