sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
