i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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