I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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