i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
