I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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