How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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