Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
