Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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