Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
