we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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