I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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