She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
