Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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