Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
