I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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