Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
