sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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