it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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