You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I love having hate sex.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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