a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
