took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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