his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
