This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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