It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
