You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
