Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
