I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
