New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
foreskin is a definite game changer
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
