Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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