i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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