i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
