Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
