Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
