He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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