why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
