Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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