Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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