I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
