....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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