Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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