Your tits are I can't wait for
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
