I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
