i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
