I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
