Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
