Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize