you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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