dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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