In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
