She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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