I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
