fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
