Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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