so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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