Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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