In the future we'll all be gay
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
