Your face is a jimmy john
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
