I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
