Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
