so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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