your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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