he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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