i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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