Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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