I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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